Looming Empty Nest: What Next?

For some reason this summer I have this nagging feeling nudging me when I least expect it, nagging me to "enjoy it, it will be gone soon". The "it" being, the children. Gus and I talked last night about how we raised our children, the good days AND the bad days that have added up to the sum of 3 new "hybrids" (as my cousin David put it this morning while we chatted online), meaning our children. It made me laugh and I smiled about it the rest of the afternoon by the way (Thanks David!) And really, that is what Gus and I have done, mixed a bit of him and a bit of me and VOILA! = "Nebeker-Pilon's" hybrids!

But with all the shared DNA and personality traits (good and bad) we've given them, some how they have developed their own individuality nonetheless, something you actually really worry about when you parent identical twins. And we've always joked that we actually had triplets, Jessica was just born 7 years earlier. :) But aside from what I think has been a pretty good job, us not screwing them up too badly, and the fact they really love us deeply, they are focusing on their own future. Already one of the three has sprung the nest and I don't think she's coming back, accept to maybe visit with delicacies such as fruit pastry or a chocolate cake with gnash icing in tow, an obviously subconscious attempt to distract us from the reality that there is a giant gap in the nest where she once was.

You might be asking us what the big deal is, since we have two more children at home, but remember, they are "two for the price of one", they are "twenty fingers, twenty toes", they are "twice as much to love, two blessings from above", they are "double trouble", they entered the nest together, they will leave the nest together, they are twins. And so, the "empty nest syndrome" times two, is getting closer and closer...and closer. *Sigh!*

Jessica is busy with college and new friends, but she's just a Facebook message or email heartbeat/cyber-beat away, and I try to convince myself that is enough. Meanwhile, this summer, the twins have been gone for a total of 3 weeks collectively as I carefully add up in my mind the troop hike, scout camp, visit to Dean's in Rockford, and now the youth conference trip. The conference is the current reason I am sitting here longing for their stereophonic-historical laughs that fill the background of my life each day as they work and play together on any one of a hundred things they do together each day. They are like two old men playing chess in the park, who never seem to run out of chess moves or things to talk about over the 80 years...

The house is so quiet today that even the dog is having empty nest syndrome! No, really! Every time they leave he stops eating. (Does this mean I will get skinny when they are gone? LOL!) Poor dog has separation anxiety and although I try to play with him, I am not one, let alone two 16-year-old boys. He looks at me in a way that says, "I guess you'll do", as he brings me his chew toy to play tug-o-war. Point being, the house is just way too quiet, to the point it is overwhelming. And so, here I am, trying to update my blog for the first time in 2 years, because suddenly I have a lot of time to think and NO DISTRACTIONS, no excuse to keep me from it. So I am sitting here thinking to myself, "Haven't I been praying for a quiet/peaceful home, for time alone to think, to plan, to do, to just read?" Yet, here it is, a summers-glimpse of the future and I feel such a loss. Suddenly NPR and country radio are VERY exciting sounds in the background as I try to feel motivated to think, plan, do, read.

So, let me guess, you are about to all tell me to, "Get a life!" Right? LOL! Yep, I hear you. *Sigh!* Believe me, I am trying. I have put hours into my garden this summer, trying to revive my lawn (an unfortunate victim of my time spent on girls camp in the spring and early summer, and a son who thinks mowing it really short will mean he has to mow less). I've not gotten to the hundreds of old and new photos that need to get into photo albums and frames (my kids are starting to think the people in the frames all around the house are actually relatives and not the stock models they really are). But first I have to tackle moving the basement sewing area to Jessica's old room (boy won't she be surprised when she comes home from college) and organize the basement with her "stuff" she will eventually claim one day after she gets her degree and moves on to the next chef-adventure in her life (which I doubt will be nearby in little old Owosso, Michigan). Then, then when that is all done, I will sort the photos, and I will cry over the baby pictures of the three of them so little at the Orange County Fair, muddy in the backyard in Costa Mesa with snot running out of their noses, and so many other captured cellulose memories. But then what? What will I do after that? THIS is what scares me in this silent house. Once I sort and display all the photos, the ones I've not had time to manage since the twins were born, once the garden is perfect, once the grass is repaired and a lovely shade of green, once these lovely 3 Nebeker-Pilon hybrids are gone from the nest...what then?

Its a big question for me you know. In fact, anyone who knows me, my need to plan and organize time and space, won't be surprised to know how it's driving me nuts, the fact I don't know the answer. In fact, every time I try to imagine it, it just seems to escape me, but some how I know I will figure it out, or maybe it will just "happen". I have gotten better about that you know, just letting things happen, but I struggle with it. With faith, I am pretty sure I will know it when I see it. And so, I will try my best to plan and organize at least what I can envision, the next two years, making sure I/we have time and energy to enjoy each other before they are gone. They will go quickly and decisively, even though they love us and they love their life here, they will go because we've trained them well -- to fly. I will close by secretly admitting I am tempted to clip their wings, so they can't fly or fly too far -- but I won't. In fact, I've never met two children more in love with the idea - "flying" (living and experiencing all the good that life has to offer), in fact, if you look closely, I think they have superhero capes tucked into their Disney hoodies. LOL! Who am I to tell them they can't go out and save the world? Maybe they can.



EMPTY NEST
What happened to the old days
our carefree way of life.
When everything seemed easy
no trouble and no strife.
When life was meant for living
not just for getting by.
When families were together
and the years just seemed to fly.

At least I have my memories
of laughter and of light.
To remind me of the happy times
when I can't sleep at night.
When everything's a struggle
and I wonder why I bother.
Suddenly the phone will ring
"Hello, how are you mother?"

I suppose that I am selfish
though, I don't mean to be.
I know they have their own lives
and rarely think of me.
I wasn't any different
when I was round their age.
Mothers take a back seat
husbands and wives have centre stage.

I really must look forward
to the time I know will come.
The phone will ring more often
"Can you watch the kids, please Mum?"
No doubt I'll be complaining
just as my mum used to do.
They say history repeats itself
I hope that's really true.

c) K. E. Roberts All Rights Reserved
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/prose/poems/317.html

California! We Made It!

A visit with Grandpa Leon in St. George, Utah, July 2008.

An extra little surprise visitor to Grandma Norma Jeans grave site, July 2008.

Visiting Grandma Norma Jean's grave site, July 2008.

Lazy & crazy cousins, July 4th, 2008: Becca, Nicki, Jess, Chris, and Nick.

Pilon family reunion in Orange County, California, July 2008.

Little Corona State Beach, California, July 2008.

Jessica and Gus walking The Wedge, Balboa Beach, California, July 2008.

Chris, surfside at The Wedge, Balboa Beach, California, July 2008.

(Click here for more trip photos on our SmugMug site, don't forget to enter the password "California" in order to view the photo gallery.)

Nebraska: "Where everybody knows your name!"

We survived the bugs at the campsite at the dunes along Lake Michigan near the Michigan-Indiana border on Friday night. Slipping out of the campsite at 6 a.m. before the incoming storms hit. We shot straight through with great speed; before being lured into the "shopping den of evil", in other words an OUTLET MALL!

The second day of our trip ended with our weary traveling-bones in the small town of Henderson in western Nebraska. The trip that day was a lovely reminder of why we fell in love with Nebraska 11 years ago: All those beautiful and seemingly endless miles of the green farm belt, nostalgically beautiful Mid-west landscape of farmers working in the fields and young crops blowing in that familiar and wild horizontal Nebraska wind. In the Mid-west there are “real” trees, firm bold trees that grow into strong old oaks as they push against that constant Nebraska prairie wind, stretching up and broadly outward, defying the wind, yet the local joke is the trees would fall over if the wind ever stopped blowing.

The day is over, it is late, and we decided to stop for dinner and to do Wi-Fi at McD's in Henderson, totally unsure where we should stay the night. We are determined to camp our way across the U.S. but we are off our travel plans and are unsure where to stay. We learn quickly that our “tourist-like-appearance” is more apparent than we realize, as well as our concern over where to stay the night. Suddenly as we are about to give up, a woman walks up and begins to tell us that she “overheard” us talking about our concerns. She and her husband decided we were in need of some good old fashioned neighborly help: Within minutes we were talking as if we are all old friends, where we’re from, where we’re going and why…and they are local homesteader folk from Henderson out at McD’s for summer with their young son. They tell us all about the local camping site up the road, Prairie Oasis Campground, steering us away from the nearby KOA which is more visible but not nearly as nice. An elderly gentleman walks by our table and soon we are introduced to him as the former mayor of Henderson and the back-door-neighbor to the Prairie Oasis Campground. Before he leaves on his way, he lets us know that if we have any trouble during our stay, we should just knock on his door and he and his wife will be happy to lend a helping hand. As the couple said goodbye, the wife turned and as she smiled she said, "Hey, if you chicken out on the camping plans, the motel next door might be small, but it is actually very nice—a good place to stay!" The husband nodded in agreement and then they scooted out the door with their young son in hand. Instantly Gus began to laugh that all-too-familiar-hard-Gus-laugh, slapping his knee he turned to me and said, "Only in Nebraska!" Wagons ho...

On the Road!

It's 80 percent humidity, 90 degrees outside, and thank goodness we are headed straight out of the big storms headed our way over the next several days. While watching the weather channel the night before, it was amazing to see the predicted storms and clouds are all around us accept for where we'll be driving and staying, all the way to Utah. Yahoo!

We are about to head through the flood zones of the midwest, though it was a bit tricky to find, we are headed for a campground in an Iowa State Park a few miles away from the flooded areas.
Thanks to the new cargo carrier we finally have everything packed. We are about to drive off...see you soon...

Home Sweet Home

Home sweet home or home away from home -- whatever the CASE, this is the PLACE!

California or Bust!

The other day, while attempting to figure out how to download ringtones and music to my new cell phone -- praying my teenage sons don't walk by and become disillusioned as they hear me curse at the phone and online directions, discovering their computer-geek-mother might be feeling aged by the latest technology -- I find the perfect song! I've not figured out how to get it onto my type of cell phone, but I'll get there in time. Sigh!

So…I LOVE this song! By Ferras, "Hollywood's Not America"

Though I am not a movie star lured by the Hollywood lights, it speaks to the native California-girl in me, and how she is often in conflict with the Midwest-mom" – now very much apart of me.

As we prepare to head back to visit California for the first time in four years, and at the 10 year mark of our departure from O.C., I cannot help but be mystically driven to get to the Pacific Ocean, to family, friends, my roots.

Yet, on the other hand, when asked where I am from, I find myself no longer sure how to answer. “Where is home?" Until Michigan, the answer was easy, “California!” I would say without hesitation. However, I've noticed that lately I am not as quick to say, "California!" Like I might not be accepted, considered a Midwest trader or something!

The Midwest is a funny place, for many reasons. You can't help but be amused by it, especially mid-Michigan folks. In Owosso, we are smack in the middle of several Big 10 Colleges, of which every other person you walk by, there is a loyal fan of one or the other. Deathly loyal I might add! You have to be careful who you admit you are rooting for in the next big basketball or football game. You have to learn when to lie and say you are neutral, when to say “Go State!” (MSU, Lansing, 45 minutes south), and when to say “Why Michigan! Of course!” (U of M, Flint, 30 minutes east).

Recently it dawned on me why folks in the Midwest are so fiercely dedicated and loyal to "their team." Colleges don't get up and move to the next city or state with a bigger wallet, or bigger stadium! Honestly, I can't recall off the top of my head, where the Ram's call home any more!

Though we are not big on watching college sports, we enjoy the generally playful jabbing and banter back and forth, daily, as people talk and talk and talk about "their team". It is as much a part of the daily fabric of the Midwest, as asking about the weather yesterday, the weather today, the weather tomorrow...

Just like when dealing with the MSU verses U of M folks all about us, we are not always sure if it is safe to say, “We Love Michigan!” Though we’ve had two homes here, we’ve been here four years, as long as any other state we’ve lived in aside from California. California is home, but it does not look like home until we drive up to the home of family and see the faces of loved ones. Then and only then is it home. It surely does not look or feel like the California I loved and adored in my youth, but then again, I don’t look or feel like I did then either. We’ve both matured and like the additional toll roads and highways added to the coastline, I have wrinkles and lines showing on my face and my hair is nearly pure white.

We will enjoy our visit with family and friends – we can hardly wait to get there!

First stop: St. George, Utah on Sunday, June 29.

Second stop: Mission Viejo, California on Monday, July 7.

Adjoining Photos: Tonight we finalized the purchase of our new (used) 2006 Chrysler Town & Country Limited. Thank goodness it is fully loaded with a DVD player and 6 disc CD changer! One more way to keep the boys occupied as we drive the 1,200 miles! Not to mention the extra leg room now that they are both measuring at just under 5’ 10”! Wish me luck on getting them to help pack the van without them trying sneak the Xbox on board!

California or Bust! (And with these gas prices it might be both that happens -- YIKES!)

Family Photo Archive