For some reason this summer I have this nagging feeling nudging me when I least expect it, nagging me to "enjoy it, it will be gone soon". The "it" being, the children. Gus and I talked last night about how we raised our children, the good days AND the bad days that have added up to the sum of 3 new "hybrids" (as my cousin David put it this morning while we chatted online), meaning our children. It made me laugh and I smiled about it the rest of the afternoon by the way (Thanks David!) And really, that is what Gus and I have done, mixed a bit of him and a bit of me and VOILA! = "Nebeker-Pilon's" hybrids!
But with all the shared DNA and personality traits (good and bad) we've given them, some how they have developed their own individuality nonetheless, something you actually really worry about when you parent identical twins. And we've always joked that we actually had triplets, Jessica was just born 7 years earlier. :) But aside from what I think has been a pretty good job, us not screwing them up too badly, and the fact they really love us deeply, they are focusing on their own future. Already one of the three has sprung the nest and I don't think she's coming back, accept to maybe visit with delicacies such as fruit pastry or a chocolate cake with gnash icing in tow, an obviously subconscious attempt to distract us from the reality that there is a giant gap in the nest where she once was.
You might be asking us what the big deal is, since we have two more children at home, but remember, they are "two for the price of one", they are "twenty fingers, twenty toes", they are "twice as much to love, two blessings from above", they are "double trouble", they entered the nest together, they will leave the nest together, they are twins. And so, the "empty nest syndrome" times two, is getting closer and closer...and closer. *Sigh!*
Jessica is busy with college and new friends, but she's just a Facebook message or email heartbeat/cyber-beat away, and I try to convince myself that is enough. Meanwhile, this summer, the twins have been gone for a total of 3 weeks collectively as I carefully add up in my mind the troop hike, scout camp, visit to Dean's in Rockford, and now the youth conference trip. The conference is the current reason I am sitting here longing for their stereophonic-historical laughs that fill the background of my life each day as they work and play together on any one of a hundred things they do together each day. They are like two old men playing chess in the park, who never seem to run out of chess moves or things to talk about over the 80 years...
The house is so quiet today that even the dog is having empty nest syndrome! No, really! Every time they leave he stops eating. (Does this mean I will get skinny when they are gone? LOL!) Poor dog has separation anxiety and although I try to play with him, I am not one, let alone two 16-year-old boys. He looks at me in a way that says, "I guess you'll do", as he brings me his chew toy to play tug-o-war. Point being, the house is just way too quiet, to the point it is overwhelming. And so, here I am, trying to update my blog for the first time in 2 years, because suddenly I have a lot of time to think and NO DISTRACTIONS, no excuse to keep me from it. So I am sitting here thinking to myself, "Haven't I been praying for a quiet/peaceful home, for time alone to think, to plan, to do, to just read?" Yet, here it is, a summers-glimpse of the future and I feel such a loss. Suddenly NPR and country radio are VERY exciting sounds in the background as I try to feel motivated to think, plan, do, read.
So, let me guess, you are about to all tell me to, "Get a life!" Right? LOL! Yep, I hear you. *Sigh!* Believe me, I am trying. I have put hours into my garden this summer, trying to revive my lawn (an unfortunate victim of my time spent on girls camp in the spring and early summer, and a son who thinks mowing it really short will mean he has to mow less). I've not gotten to the hundreds of old and new photos that need to get into photo albums and frames (my kids are starting to think the people in the frames all around the house are actually relatives and not the stock models they really are). But first I have to tackle moving the basement sewing area to Jessica's old room (boy won't she be surprised when she comes home from college) and organize the basement with her "stuff" she will eventually claim one day after she gets her degree and moves on to the next chef-adventure in her life (which I doubt will be nearby in little old Owosso, Michigan). Then, then when that is all done, I will sort the photos, and I will cry over the baby pictures of the three of them so little at the Orange County Fair, muddy in the backyard in Costa Mesa with snot running out of their noses, and so many other captured cellulose memories. But then what? What will I do after that? THIS is what scares me in this silent house. Once I sort and display all the photos, the ones I've not had time to manage since the twins were born, once the garden is perfect, once the grass is repaired and a lovely shade of green, once these lovely 3 Nebeker-Pilon hybrids are gone from the nest...what then?
Its a big question for me you know. In fact, anyone who knows me, my need to plan and organize time and space, won't be surprised to know how it's driving me nuts, the fact I don't know the answer. In fact, every time I try to imagine it, it just seems to escape me, but some how I know I will figure it out, or maybe it will just "happen". I have gotten better about that you know, just letting things happen, but I struggle with it. With faith, I am pretty sure I will know it when I see it. And so, I will try my best to plan and organize at least what I can envision, the next two years, making sure I/we have time and energy to enjoy each other before they are gone. They will go quickly and decisively, even though they love us and they love their life here, they will go because we've trained them well -- to fly. I will close by secretly admitting I am tempted to clip their wings, so they can't fly or fly too far -- but I won't. In fact, I've never met two children more in love with the idea - "flying" (living and experiencing all the good that life has to offer), in fact, if you look closely, I think they have superhero capes tucked into their Disney hoodies. LOL! Who am I to tell them they can't go out and save the world? Maybe they can.
EMPTY NEST
What happened to the old days
our carefree way of life.
When everything seemed easy
no trouble and no strife.
When life was meant for living
not just for getting by.
When families were together
and the years just seemed to fly.
At least I have my memories
of laughter and of light.
To remind me of the happy times
when I can't sleep at night.
When everything's a struggle
and I wonder why I bother.
Suddenly the phone will ring
"Hello, how are you mother?"
I suppose that I am selfish
though, I don't mean to be.
I know they have their own lives
and rarely think of me.
I wasn't any different
when I was round their age.
Mothers take a back seat
husbands and wives have centre stage.
I really must look forward
to the time I know will come.
The phone will ring more often
"Can you watch the kids, please Mum?"
No doubt I'll be complaining
just as my mum used to do.
They say history repeats itself
I hope that's really true.
c) K. E. Roberts All Rights Reserved
http://www.thelaboroflove.com/prose/poems/317.html
